There's No Revolution, So I Bought A Bride

I haven't wrote a blog in a while, not because i forgot to, but it was hard for me to write anything when I realize I don't really believe in anything. A lot has happened in the last few weeks that really made me change my opinions on everything.

The whole Dayton thing didn't work out. It's unfair to pinpoint it to a certain reason or person. While I love Dayton, and it definitely has its benefits geographically and in a business sense, it just wasn't meant for this time. It kind of ties into our whole band break up. Music is, of course, an important part of my life. We did the TNFN thing for around 5 years, and from the point of when we started to the point when we ended we accomplished most of the goals we set out on. At the same time, I'm a little disappointed in myself for not really putting all of what I had into it. For the last couple months I have been trying to figure out why I don't apply myself and say what I actually need to say. I have made small strides, between actually researching, studying, and applying the things I believe in in my everyday life, and talking about how I feel when I actually need to.

And while I may not be able to do this without sounding too cheesy, actually starting a relationship with someone is a very big deal to me. It's weird considering it has never been a part of my life at all. I have always put a very exact standard on who it would have to be and under what circumstances it would have to fall under. Simply, I just wanted a best friend and someone who actually cares about everything important, and the very few girls before now never got that. Now, since I have it the way I want it, I have to figure out how to make it work.

With my new band, and relationship with Joanne, it will be a lot of work finding a way for the things to coexist, especially since she has more going on in her life right now. Actually having to work for the things I want is just as exciting as scary. It is definitely a new start to my life and I really think I am blessed with the situation I am no matter how difficult it will be.

and oh yeah, daisy leaked (: the second albums this year I will have to buy

excuse the poor writing

Blanket of Ghosts

I have been annoyingly posting a lot of lyrics on myspace the last week, most of them from Thrice. So, to follow that trend, here are some lyrics from Dustin Kensrue that have caught my eye. It really relates to how I've been griping at myself lately.

I've got a feeling, it's hard to explain
Feels like the devil rents a room in my brain
The things im ashamed of feel like dear old st paul
The things that I wanna do, I don't do at all

So bury me deep, cover me with snow
Wrap me in sleep, blanket of ghosts

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak
I wanna kiss her lips, but I kissed her cheek
Just hear my request, give this one on fair way
Please take me home before it's too late

Bury me deep, cover me with snow
Wrap me in sleep, blanket of ghosts

Wake me when it's spring time in heaven
When the tears are all whiped from my face
Wake me when it's spring time in heaven
When I'm strong enough to walk in that place

You got to bring the hope back baby...

Music is obviously a big part of my life. The condition of music, however, is not in very good shape. To put its current state in perspective, I think my friend Dakotah summed it up better than I could. Dakotah doesn't sit away on myspace for hours looking at bands that he hates, he doesn't go to a plethora of local shows and see how saturated the scene is with sub-par metalcore acts, but, he has an idea of what is good. He went to warped tour for the first time, and while he enjoyed sets by bands such as All Time Low, he mentioned to me that he could tell bands like that were just around for the show, while others were actually around playing music for the passion of their message.

When I first started to really get into music, it didn't seem like there was much of a gimmick behind it. Molly and Jamie were also feeding me music such as The Ataris, Brand New, and Gatsby's American Dream, which I would consider gimmick free bands. Then, bands like Underoath came around. Nothing against Underoath, but they have spawned countless knockoffs such as The Devil Wears Prada, A Skylit Drive, and Attack Attack!. So, in short, I HATE THIS SCREAMO CRAP THAT IS DESTROYING MUSIC.

Seriously, there is good music out there, I'm guilty of buying into some of the lesser bands music has to offer, but there is still hope. Ben Folds and Thrice are still putting out cds, Senses Fail, like them or not, has not compromised what they do for the scene, and there are actual hardcore, metal, and screamo bands that aren't pooping out music for Rise Records.

So, instead of buying the new Breathe Carolina, get stoked that Rufio is putting out a new cd.

I've got bills to pay, tax men on my tail...

Why is it whenever I have to worry about something, it is usually money. So, we made all the money it took to get in our apartment, but now we have to worry about all of the rest of the bills we have. We all have cell phones, then insurance for the van, a payment on the van, and rent again in a month. Over $1000. Currently, three of us don't have jobs, and Mat isn't living with us. I know I need a job, and I'm pretty confident about getting one, but jobs don't pay you $250 the day after you start working for them. It's just frustration. I know where my priorities need to be in the next week, and I don't like it...

I am probably shaving today, not happy about it.