I'll take you wherever you want to go...

So, our tour, for the most part, is over. Some turns have made it not the best decision to finish the last week. While I'm bummed, it's a relieving situation, too. Of course, the big reason is finances. We are still playing some shows around our hometowns, so we actually have a home to go back to. I think morale was too low for some people in the camps to play any more crappy shows, too. It's not a matter of failing for this tour, though. We did two weeks pretty strongly considering the bad shows, and if I could I would do the same thing again. I love playing shows and there was opportunities to meet people at every show, I just don't know if myself among others took those opportunities. I have been without a phone charger for 3 days now, and its pathetically disheartening. I feel bad about having to rely on people for other things, and I know it's a huge burden to put on someone. And, to continue in rant form, it's very nice to have someone to talk to until your phone dies on a 6 hour trip from michigan from 10:30 pm to 4:30 am (:

You're not getting any sleep tonight....

It's a very disheartening thing knowing that when you get back home it might not be there. It has been a very trying week. At the top of the list, when we get back to Dayton, we might or might not have an apartment waiting for us. If we don't make enough money, I honestly don't know what I am going to do. We can't live on the streets and we can't go back to our old homes. How much I would love to move in with my mom and brother, that would just be a giant step backwards in my life. I have been really good at moving forward these last couple months, and I really feel like I am going in the right track. I just want to keep in that direction and stick with our all mighty plan to "make it happen". Joanne also referred me to Isaiah 41:10, while simple, gets the job done

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

whatever happens, I am happy with my life. Tour is halfway over, it's had it's ups and downs, but I've made some new best friends, learned a lot about shows, had a blast with the dudes I've already been best friends with, and listened to a lot of Thrice, Enter Shikari, and Park.

Somethings gone terribly wrong...

Last night we stayed in our van in Marion, Indiana. It was the first night we actually didn't have a place to stay, and to be honest, I was happy about this. It was the first time we weren't super comfortable on this tour. The last few shows haven't really been great, and morale for the majority is fairly low. It doesn't seem like some people have played the crappiest of shows. I'm more than happy to play shows every night, even if it means that you aren't playing for anyone at all, or people that don't necessarily want to hear you. Even being out on a tour where it's just mostly local shows, I know this is what I want to do for as long as I can. I want to not be lazy anymore and try to do things with shows to make them more successful. I guess I'm slowly learning these things little by little.

Yesterday the new Thrice cd leaked. I think it's the first time I've felt bad about downloading something in a long time.

Don't you dare tell me I'm not what you need now....

Today I am going to try and not prioritize my needs. I know it's something I need to start doing everyday, but baby steps will get me there. I need a new philosophy on how I live my life. I'm tired of being mediocre at everything. I'm tired of not being able to put anything into friendships. I'm tired of being timid and not going through with anything I plan. We have a lot of work left these last two weeks of tour if we are going to make this successful. I plan on doing whatever is possible to make that happen....

I'm not bored at all, you can call me when you want to call.....

This is one of the those days where I want to be proven wrong about everything I'm thinking.......

You broke me like a mirror....

Today was an off day for the tour. We couldn't really find a show, and were on the TSF boys stomping turf, so they all went their separate ways. It was a weird thing, because as soon as all of them were out of the house I immediately missed them. Casey, the fill-in bassist for They've Shot, left for a week to go on a family vacation while Brad returns for this week's string of shows. Probably a half hour after he left he texted all of us saying how he missed us already, and I felt relieved that I got to hear from him. It's a weird situation. Gabe called me to say how much he missed me, and like Casey, it was a very satisfying thing to hear from him even after a 5 hour dichotomy. We got to see Ryan and Joanne today too, probably the only two friends we have that aren't in They've Shot from this city, and I got hooked up with a sweet pair of flip flops. The way I feel about all these situations is very difficult to explain in blog form, especially since I cannot write well at all, but I really think we are on to something with these new friends we are making...

And you look so hot tonight, I'd swear you were steam....

I haven't been able to update as frequently as I would like because I haven't really had internet access for a few days. But anyway, we wrapped up the first week of our tour (two-ur for my Indiana friends). So far, it has been absolutely amazing, mostly just because of the company of our dudes in They've Shot. It's very rare that it's this easy to build a strong friendship with someone so quick. I really feel like with the few weeks we spend together all of us are going to grow even more spiritually and walk away with some new best friends. The shows have definitely all been fun too. I've got to hang out with some old friends who I don't get to see very often, because of distances between cities or states, and definitely meeting people outside of bands that I am stoked to see where the relationships will go. You will probably get a less tired, more detailed version of this tomorrow. Excuse the poor writing.

Stay sweet

These instrument cases look like coffins to me...

So, when we were on our way to our show in New Castle tonight (the dead zone of the planet for cell phone service and mobile internet) we popped in Mhmmm by Relient K, mostly because Mat claimed he didn't like them. That just don't fly with us. Anyway, Relient K is one of those bands that makes me realize how horrible of a person I am. As cheesy as it sounds, every song nearly brought me to tears, and reminded me of how crappy I prioritize the relationships in my life. It's depressing....

Build me a better you...

So, yesterday we started what will probably be our first successful attempt at a tour. 30 miles before we got to Emerson, our destination for the "kickoff show", our alternator went out on us. Mat, Josh, Shelvie, and me were forced to walk over a mile (most of it in the rain) to a Burger King to be picked up by Zach of They've Shot Flanigan. I'm pretty sure while walking my toe picked up a midwestern form of the jungle rot, but we got to Emerson okay, and the van was fixed. Above all, I think yesterday was a day of many blessings. Our van is fixed and in perfect condition for the rest of tour, the show at Emerson was phenomenal, and we met a lot of sweet people and bands at the show. Now, it's time to enjoy some musical stylings of Park in Mason from TSF's very nice home before the next show.

Stay Sweet.

Introduction

I'm going to start updating this more frequently within the next week. It will probably be filled up with stuff from shows, tour, and the most important things in my life I like to complain about like religion, friends and the state of music and entertainment. Hopefully I learn to cut off my run on sentences...